Portuguese Men
Portugal used to run the world and now they're the poster child of has-beens. We wanted to leave Portugal out all together, but Meg's current boyfriend is Portuguese. As he designed our webpage and got on our asses to finish this book, we felt ungrateful excluding his country.
We'd rather sum Portugal up in four words ("See Chapter on Spain"), but that would defeat the purpose. Instead we're going to base all information about Portuguese men on this one guy. We're sure he'll absolutely love that.
Potential Boyfriend Names
| Name | Pronunciation |
|---|---|
| Filipe | fill-EEP |
| Fil | fill |
Four Insights into Portuguese Culture
Portuguese Dogs
Portuguese dogs are named Bonzay and they like it when you to pet them with your feet.
Portuguese Driving
Portuguese drivers go way too slow and complain when you sleep instead of keeping them company on long road trips.
Portuguese Time Telling Abilities
Portuguese men get annoyed when you spend time on your hair and makeup. Because they can throw themselves together in five minutes, they expect girlfriends to do the same.
Portuguese Theft
No problem here.
Useful Portuguese Phrases (He Speaks English, So No Need To Worry)
| What You'll Want To Say: | How To Say It: |
|---|---|
| Are you hungry? | (Just bring him food, he's always hungry.) |
| Pay attention to me and get off the computer. | (Good luck.) |
How to Meet Him
The best place to meet him is in college. You can move into his social circle by playing on his volleyball team and dating one of his friends.
A Typical Date
If you eat at a sushi restaurant, he'll make all sorts of moaning noises while eating his salmon and tuna. He'll take his time and savor every bite. Eat at any other restaurant and he'll wolf down his whole plate before you know what happened. If he doesn't help himself to your food, he'll stare at your plate until you offer it up.
What You Should Know about Portugal
All you need to know is that they have really great food.
What You Need To Know About Portuguese Cities
| Lisbon | It's where his family lives. |
Impressing His Mother
Still working on this one...
Portuguese Girl Competition
He doesn't like Portuguese girls. Actually, he doesn't like girls from any country. He's too overwhelmed by your beauty, charm and intelligence to notice other women.
When You Want Him to Go Away
This should never be an issue.
Comments
Why is there not a section on impressing his father? Mom has already been impressed...
--Father
PS - father also impressed but still would like to have his own section
Posted by: jose (at) fortes-com | May 7, 2003 07:21 PM
you gotta be one of those half a ton walking american cunt that thinks amarica e the center of the world...
Posted by: illfuckyou | June 20, 2003 02:03 PM
you gotta be one of those half a ton walking american cunt that thinks amarica e the center of the world...
Posted by: illfuckyou | June 20, 2003 02:03 PM
Why do so many bitchy posters complain about American girls being fat? Have all those years of hunger made you resent women who have had 3 square meals a day?
Tu sitio de internet es divino!
Your website and book rock! Don't listen to what these hungry bastards keep writing.
LMAO
M
Posted by: Marko | June 23, 2003 11:55 PM
What years of hunger???
Posted by: Eddie | June 29, 2003 12:43 PM
Because my eyes see that fat a fat female is uglier than death. Better have sex with a junk of fats rather than with a "well feed" american female!
Posted by: moa | July 12, 2003 12:50 PM